Very Asian Feelings is a meditation on the Asian American experience. It honors the survivor’s blood that runs through my veins and uplifts the rough edges of ordinary objects and unseen moments. Most of all, it celebrates the nurturing but imperfect life my parents, immigrants from Thailand and Indonesia, cobbled together with me in the American South.
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We the nation of aliens
Perpetually foreign
Unable to knit together
Open wounds
Of myriad traumas
We dare not bare
Constitutionally refused
Yet here we stand
A legacy of survival
Spread across this land -
A rough hewn vision
Built on strange land
Cobbled together
Fraying with wear
The sinews of survival
Buoyant with hope
For a new generation
Hungry to belong
Rebel wake up
Take up the mantle
A necessity
For the fight of a people
Who call this place home -
The boulder of duty rests firmly
Upon our shoulders
The debt of their toil
We long to repay
To ensure a life
Befitting the sacrifice
Decades of labor
Worn on slim old frames
Help refused, only given
Paradox of pain and pride
Reclaimed worth
Awakened by history
Lineage from worlds away
Moving the earth
By golden sea
Thrusting us forward into
A glorious
Clamor of destiny -
This nation cleans its hands
Of the tired, poor, hungry masses
Yearning to survive
Of bottles, cans, soiled refuse
Kicked and crushed into asphalt
Our elders
But today we woke up
Voicing hope
Without bated breath
Bursting through hesitation
Like instinct
Refusing silence
A chorus of resistance
Trembling every soul -
Confine us to facts and figures
To the narrow paths we walk
Heavy are the hopes we carry
American Dreams
Drawn in chalk
Washed away by truths revealed
The underbelly of red, white and blue
Secure is the yoke of hearth and home
Burning ambition
Mincing desire
Drowning freedom
Awaiting a turn of season -
Communion in the savory
Falling headfirst into sweet
A dizzying cacophony of flavor
Home
That feeling on repeat
Tasty’s hidden meaning
Behind unwanted gaze
Dignity made dirty
Unwelcome fingers take
Asian foods and bodies
The tastes of imperialism
Leaving bruises
Camouflaged as flattery
Each of your stories is a gift, and I’d be honored share them as part of this installation. Know that your stories will be treated with care, and that this installation is a reclamation of space for our community. Let’s raise our voices, fam.
These Very Asian Feelings were submitted by Asian Americans across the country from Albuquerque to New York City.
Not a monolith
E. Chang
Manhattan, NY
While explaining to a classmate the vast diversity and cultures of East Asia, South Asia, Pacific Islanders and Southeast Asia and how we don’t all use chopsticks, the classmate answered back, “it doesn’t matter to us.
Now my parents want me to go on vacation
S. Lanh
Tampa, FL
The irony is, I feel like I can’t go on vacation.
Imposter Syndrome
L. Calcasola
Boston, MA
Asian Americans have felt displaced and victim to imposter syndrome in the American fabric for decades, perpetually foreigners even if we’re fifth generation. As an adult I still struggle with imposter syndrome and am curious to relearn my Chinese roots and reclaim them as my own.
Main Character Energy
Y. Chen
Queens, NY
To me, a very Asian feeling is of being a background or supporting actor on the grand stage of American life — but never the main character.
Atlanta
We cannot discuss the Atlanta massacre without talking about the intersection of anti-Asian racism and misogyny, and the fetishization and continued dehumanization of Asian women in our society.
Misfit
T. Thamkruphat
Palm Desert, CA
I always feel like I am not Vietnamese enough, not Thai enough, and not American enough. Any time I attempt to show or prove that I belong to all three, equally, I feel scared that someone from either or all of those cultures will tell me I don’t belong.
Rebel
I’ve awakened the rebel that’s been inside me all along. Yet I find that while this is personally liberating, Asian women are all too often expected to be compliant, no fuss and easy to deal with. When we defy these stereotypes, people feel threatened.
Patriarchy
There are so many patriarchal systems that need to be dismantled, especially those close to home. My mother-in-law is still shocked that my husband is the one who usually cooks and does the laundry.
Thailand is cool now
L. Khonsuwon
Albuquerque, NM
I was called chink, jungle baby, told to stop speaking my jungle language, stop speaking that ching chong, Buddhist were going to hell, our food was weird and smelled bad… Up until the rise of Asian Hate, I thought it was normal to have white people in my life who hated my Thai-ness.
Sacrifice
It weighs heavily on me that I will never be able to give my parents the lift that they deserve. They sacrificed so much for me, to have an education, to have material things.